l'universo trova spazio dentro me......

So wow its been too long since i let go of all my emotions on here. Life just gets more and more crazy and its quite wierd to know that im too busy to just take an hour of my life out to blurt everything out.

But ive decided that it is really time now. before I overspill which is probably not very healthy

So I guess I SHOULD be talking about how I grew to hate the materialistic parts of my previous job and started to realise how messed up the music industry is now, and that I know Im not quite ready for it yet.

Or I SHOULD bet talking about how I went about changing my whole career path in just 9 months, gained two different qualifications, lived in two other places to eventually acheive living abroad (which was my ultimate goal.

Or I SHOULD be talking about how amazing it is that I achieved this goal, in 9 months and am now living in the passionate affectionate country that is Italy  i'm in a job where I constantly help people learn all day in an effective and individual way.

Or I SHOULD be talking about how amazing it feels to be expressing my feelings with words in another toungue and how amazing it feels to be utilizing my brain everyday and learn something new on a constant basis, broadening my understanding of language and culture every single day.

Or I REALLY SHOULD be talking about the extremely hard decision that I made before I came to Italy, to part ways with the man I love, which was an extremely sacrificial decision and which he cannot accept or even try to understand still which is making my life a heck lot difficult then it should be right now.

But no. I don't want to talk about any of these things. All these things, crazily enough I think I can just about handle. I trust in life too much to worry about it al. Ive followed my heart every single step of the way and so there is no need to dwell on it.

No ladies and gentleman, believe it or not, the only thing I want to talk to you today about is -  new found Love. Are you surprised  I didn't think so. Its the one thing in life that is nearly impossible to understand handle and deal with without alot of thinking and patience and maturity. 

In the past I have fallen in love, and in order to deal with my emotions I have told the story on here. Maybe its good aswell because it is a way of preserving the story, just in case there are details I have forgotten. But the past was different. Living with someone, or working with someone, or being best friends with someone for 2 years and eventually realising I love them have been a few of the situations.

But now crazy things are happening, so fast... and it is proving my theory of love even more, that it is always there within  people, it exists inside the connections between people that is realized at the first time we ever meet that person.

My life seems to be one love story after another. Does this make me a confused person who doesn't know what love is? I don't think so. I think it confirms the fact that I have figured out what it's all about. And there is one particular phrase, inside my favorite poem, that can explain it just a little.

' Do not be cynical about love, because in face of despair and ardirity, it is as perennial as grass'

But the reality is, there are no words to describe it. The heart speaks words the mind will never write.

Of course love comes again and again, because it is pure energy, never created, destroyed, just going round and round and round, showing itself in different forms, in different people but in fact in the end its all from the same source.

I want to take this opportunity to thank the universe. 

- Thank you for making me feel the immensity of new found love many times in my life, again and again and showing me the power it has.

-Thank you for making me have the intuition to realise where it exsists again and again and being so prone to it and also providing me proof that i am right to follow my feelings.

- And thank you for giving me the strength every single time to deal with everything that comes after it, all the good and the bad things that happen, all the rejection and the relief.

Thank you, and I am always eternally grateful for everything you have placed in my life, no matter what happens and no matter if i do let in bad emotions into my life sometimes and let them take over. I know its wrong and I realise this quite quickly and change it as soon as possible.

I will return your goodness, with more love and compassion for the world, forever giving, and forever loving. And I will teach others to do the same. 

Thats another story told. A dopo, untill the next one, good night x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lrVymj9xHY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccsWumaqjkU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COiIC3A0ROM

Wheres the Summer? Inside your self healing soul of course....

 Below is a blog that was accidently written in two parts. The first is something that I jotted down hitting an all time low, trying to find some kind of outlet for my feelings. Its me trying to persuade myself with my own advice, trying to find a light. The second part is 4/5 days later, where I followed the advice I gave myelf in the first part, and also followed my heart blindly. Please read below to realise your potential of self healing, the power of time and the magic of trusting your heart even through the darkest, rainiest summer that one can ever remember. It may bring the sun back into your life.


Part 1

According to scientists, the feeling of sadness only lasts for 3 seconds.... why the hell would I allow it to consume my mind for a whole night? A few days? a week? Putting my soul under constant suffering. What is it doing to my age? My energy? The positive opportunies that await me? Only god knows.... or I do know. Its blocking everything, it blocks the energy to live a long life with a happy attitude, pathing your paths to success and glory.


Is it OK to be sad for a day? I mean, its only a day right. Wrong. It all counts. It all adds up, at the end, you wont even have the time to regret. Somewhere, in that day that you are sad, are so many things to be happy about it. The fact that you can get up and dance whenever you want. The fact that the sun is shining in your face. The fact that you are loved, so immensely. And the fact that you have a choice........


Happiness IS a choice. If you notice that you are unhappy with your work, or your relationship, these are all things that can be changed. Realise that you have the power to change and always will. And if it is a slow moving change, the inbetween bits of live can always be lived happily. It is YOUR choice.


Sometimes decisions are hard to make. I know that when your stuck in a whirl of sadness it is almost impossible to get yourself to do anything about it. It is almost like some sick addiction to the feeling. None of this sounds right, or even human but we still do it to ourselves. What are we looking for? And do most of turely want to change, or do they become comfortable because it is means they dont have to veer towards the unknown?


Im fighting, im fighting, im fighting. An endless battle, but I know that soon there will be moments, much better than this, there always have been and there always will be. Im not scared of what I have to lose or sacrafice, because they are both parts of life that you have to go through.


It does take a while to recover though, after youve been to very very dark places in your head. My heart acchess for sooooo long the next day and its very hard to put a brave smile on. but not impossible. Find all the possible resources to make you happy, and when the time is right, make the right decisions to make sure their are less chances of something like that happeneing again.

....................................................................................................................................................................................


Part 2

I think ive won the battle. Im in the middle of trying to change what I am not happy about. Ive been surrounded by friends. And ive done some hard manual labour. After clearing out all of the negativity in my head, I filled my soul with magic, by listening to music, reading the right words, and seeing new places. I feel revitalised. Like, whatever happens in the next week, I will be completely and utterly happy with.

Suffering is a part of human exsistence. I will not blame myself for what I put myself through, because absolutley everyone, suffers. Its the acceptance of this very fact, that it happens and it is a part of our lives whether we like it or not, is what opens up the path back to happiness and a state of peaceful well being. We all have the power of this acceptance. It is whether we actually want it or not that will decide on whether you will find a more permantant contentness. Good luck my friends, your happiness is in your hands.

Drip drop....drip drop.... bang!

My last post ended with anything is possible. My first blog of 2012 and im here to tell you that the impossible has happened. and is still happening. And this has provided me with enough prove to figure out, that it will always happen for the rest of my life.

I showed a friend a book around a year ago. This friend didnt speak much english, so I breifly tried to describe what it was about in very basic language, i basically said - no past, no future, only now. and now is the best.

He looked at me with disinterest. I didnt see him for a long while after that. A few weeks ago, i receievd a message from him. He told me he had started reading a book which he thinks the authoer is one of my favourites and it has completely transformed his life. He said he was the happiest he has ever been and that it is something and it is a happiness that will last. Boy did i get the shivers.

My cousen recently came back into my life. Found out where i was living and decided to spend some time with me at the weekends. We dont do much. il take him out of course, fun is compulsory. but il cook alot and make sure hes ok. didnt think much of it really, i mean hes fam. But i also recieved a message from recently, saying that staying here brings so much happiness in his life, he just feels great being in my home. Now im shivering and in a state of shock...

A guy from the bar i work at. always felt he had a lovely auora but didnt really talk much as i dont get many shifts there.There was a time tho that i noticed a sadness in his eyes. couldnt do much about it without seeming like a weirdo. but fate decided to get us talking on the net. problems blurted out like they had been locked up for a long time. i came back with only ever positive responses. Not really thinking about it, and to be honest expecting to be ignored soon because there are alot of people that i meet and try and help that actually dont want the positivity.. By the end of the day, i got a message from him that he had just had a complete change around, and new jobs had been offered. he said he thought it was me and the positive energy id been giving him all day. By this point i was proper freaked out at myself......

What is it that makes the ripple travel accross the calm waters?

The small unimportant things that you do. The ones that have no meaning at the time. The ones that your heart tells you to do for no reason. The ones without the intention of anything in return.

I think there is something really important about realising what your actions will eventually result in. And even more important to have the patience to wait for the effects to be seen. It makes me appreciate how magical and impossible life really is. and if you dont embrace the magic of life then your not truely living.

How are you able to really see each ripple and its meaning, in the murky waters that is the current state of the world?

Heightened Awareness. Switching of the world in your head and absorbing the atmosphere and the enviornment is around you.

In order to see the effects of your actions, you must realise the potential of connections between two people. This is a skill we all have but have forgotten how to use.

When i meet people for the first time i can automatically tell if i am connected to that person. If i am, then life eventually makes them a much bigger part in my life, and you end up being a big part in theirs.
But i know there are allot of people who feel these connections and are scared of them and so try to pretend they dont exsist.

Its because they dont understand. People fear and avoid what they cant comprehend.

Its also the admittance of the connection being there. In the end the connection is the stem of the energy of love. Because people cannot accept that they are efectively in love with everyone they get along with and can have a good chinwag with. Because of the way we have distorted the meaning of love.

But why stop the energy flow? why imbalance the love in the world by pretending its not there? Surely Its an unnecessary blockage and  thats exactly whats caused most of the spiritual destruction on the earth.

I embrace these connections. I obviously know the limits but the connections are tehre for a reason. and the more i embrace them, the more i am aware of the energy flow between people and how beautiful it is, and the more i become aware of this, the more i am seeing positive results of actions in which once upon a time, i thought were completely meaningless.

Be aware, be open and most important of all, be present. You have so much to give to the world, and the world has undescribable, incomprehensible and impossible amounts to give back to you. Just make sure at that time, you are ready  to receieve it :)

When the years are collected
I pray that we are regretless
You and I the connected
You and I and the blood and the bone