How much can change in this period of time? How about a whole new way of living life. Scrap that. Try a whole new level of consciousness. Confused already? Il try my best to explain.
Something happened to me before Christmas, that I cant really put into words. There are 2 main reasons for this.
1. Because there will be a time where I will make it more well known. However this time is definitely not the best.
2. Because the feelings that sprung from the experience started off as indescribably amazing and finished with an indescrible amount of emotional pain (this period of time in between being incredibly short might I add) therefore words cannot actually explain it properly.
But, as I keep hinting throughout all of my posts, fate gave me an option out. digging out the mess that I was left in, that swamp that had swallowed me up, good n proper.
I was scared though.
Christmas was getting ever so nearer and I just didnt know how possible it was to hide my pain for much longer, in order to pretend to enjoy myself and give back the positive energy that my Little brother so depseratly needed from me at this time of year. I didnt even know how I would enjoy myself on the holiday I had booked over new year, the damage to my heart resulting in non existent enthusiasm for any type of basic living..
Its at that moment, when all is lost, when your in your deepest, darkest hole, that the best miracles seem to happen. (point 1 to remember)
I could say that it all started with a sudden appearance of a book, but being honest, I felt that the message portrayed in the book I had already, unconsciously known, its just it had no structure, no basis for me to fall back on these, so called, 'theorys' , and so I always let it slip.
I read a little bit of this book everynight, and with every chapter, I felt a renewed strength inside of me. When Christmas finally came, I felt, finally, slightly more at peace with myself, which made it possible for me to return feelings my 8 year old bro needed, which in turn made me more at peace. Flying off to see old friends actually felt exciting, like i never imagined it to be. And i enjoyed every moment of it, as i stayed in the present moment the whole time I was there (small hint right there).
I saw my mistake. It was entirely self-created. But Im not blaming myself, thats just a negative emotion that neednt be there, like guilt and all the rest, and so was quickly discarded, like the rest (point 2).
In my situation, I suffered. What I didnt realized is that, due to my mind, I reminded myself of this suffering every time I woke, therefore just made my body re-live the same negative emotions everyday. Due to my mind, I got stuck in a rut, that is my past, therefore not really living int he present. Due to my mind, I created situations in my head that i thought would happen, therefore got stuck in future. Due to my mind I was unhappy because I didint get what I want. (Even though what I want is something that the mind has created a vision of, and not necessarily what I truly want). Due to my mind, I was convinced that happiness and peace was something found in external things, objects and even in other people, just to fill that whole, that again due to the mind, had labelled 'unhappiness' (the minds expertise is labelling things).
That bloody mind has alot to answer for.
The Lesson I Learnt
By shutting off that noisy, horrid, obsessive, negative creating thinking machine that sits ontop of my head high and proud to be my downfall, just for one tiny moment, the past and the future had done a runner. No where to be seen. And, literally, All I had left, was just myself and the present moment. (not the self that i created an image of in my thoughts, which i actually discovered is quite a different personality)And it was in this present moment that i realised, myself was actually enough. and it was in myself I surrendered to, where I found peace. Thats the first step.
N.B Please dont misunderstand my other posts in this blog where ive talked about looking at the past to find hapiness. This is positive reflection, not dwelling. The present moment however has alot more to offer.
Want to go further down the Rabbit Hole?
It was in this peace where I realized negative emotion couldnt actually possibly exsist. Not when your in that level of consiousness. Where on earth does it come from then?
Ah look, that friggin brain again.
It actually formulates how you look at a situation from a perspective thats harmful for a human being. A great tool, but literally being used for the wrong reasons.
Then I realised, I just took the 2nd step (backwards). Instead of being immersed inside the negative creating thought, I was looking at it from the same place where I found that peace, as an outsiders point of view (trying not to sound skitzifrenic here). Its from the outside where you can put this thought right. I can stop the pain from there, because it was my head that created it and not my real sense of self.
The 3rd step consists of staying put in that state. Its kinda hard to master. Think I'm on my way. Will let it be known when Im there for sure :)
More pointy things
3. Many of us are diseased already. The mind created that disease, and that is where it dwells. Doctors refer to it as Paranoia. I call it the unfortunate fate that nearly every human being is suffering from, some more seriously than others. It is also known as addictions. Everyone has them.
4. This mental disease can lead to physical disease, due to the body creating the wrong chemicals from feeling the wrong emotions making your poor self terribly unbalanced.
5.. War. Mass Killing. Self Harming. Suicide. Family breakups. Relationship breakups. Lonliness. All created by one main element. Fear. Fear is a state of mind. Just a state of mind. If this was realised, so many lives would be saved, and so many people would stop wanting to be unhappy because they think its right/normal state to be. NO ONE actually deserves that.
6.. Fear can be eliminated. Unhappiness eradicated. In one moment, see if its possible to not think of something that has happened in the past, or wonder what will happen in the future, even what wil happen in the next 5 minutes. Whats in this moment, this exact moment, thats beautiful? How is your body feeling in this moment? What is the best thing in this moment for you right now. Oh look, I just made your past and future dissapear for a second.....
Sneaky me :P. How free did you just feel. Awesome Stuff huh.
Wanna find peace? bit of luurve? lasting happines? Wanna save the world?
Love yourself, find peace inside. Save yourself first. Its amazing how things start working out. I may be wrong. Maybe we were born to only be happy sometimes. Well then, I guess there's no harm in trying this out then :)
My love.. you NEED to write a book.
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