Come on fate, just a little perspective please....

In these peacful moments within my life, I shed a tear. As it rolls down my cheek and onto my chest I realise that its not a tear of self pity or pain. It's come from somewhere deep inside, a place that even i cannot fully comprehend. A place where all human beings are connected -


But this connection has been long forgotten by many, as we fall into societies strict structure destroying the bonds of love - the bonds that make us realise we are made of the same thing, therefore are one and all.

My mind is so much quieter these days. It's like for the last 8 months ive found the right control to turn down my thoughts as i slowly realise how unimportant and a waste of energy most of them are. It's done a great deal of good to my health, and has reflected on my life situation in such a positive way.

However there is a part of me that has never changed. A longing to help people in need and to make a difference in this world. In the past I tried, but it was a slow progress as I hadnt fully fixed myself yet, so i ended up chasing my own tail quite a bit. However now my head is so much clearer its like an endless blue sky of realisation of how many people in this world are soo............ lost.

And I am not afraid to admit it but a part of me wishes i was blind from that again. The fustration is so immense, im not sure what to do with myself. This clearness in my head has resulted in me seeing the beauty and love within everyone, even if many other people think it doesnt exsist inside them anymore. This combined with my longingness to help people has resulted in me trying to get people to realise the goodness inside themselves - but im failing. People want to stay the way they are, because its the only thing they know, and to change into a better person (actually the person they really are before they cover it up with crappy personality traits thats not them at all) is a scary concept for them. Its happened so many times now, and im not sure how much more i can take.

Then riots start around the country, and I think to myself, I am trying to be the change i wish see in the world, but the news shows my failure with fire and a ridiculous amount of unneccesary violence.

This post is a little different from the others. The others had a conclusion, a positive one, for everyone to reflect on. This one however, is open, like an open wound waiting for the right medicine to clense it from its negativity, in the hope that it will be sealed soon without more harmful infliction.

I need love to give me the strength, and guide me to the top of the hills where the progress im trying to make can be seen in clear view with my own very eyes. Because just believing and carrying on is soo hard for me right now. Im not sure if i can take that leap of faith...