And if i fall with all the strength i have inside, I wouldnt be standing alone tonight.

It feels wrong to have experienced a trip somewhere so beautiful, and not write something down. I learnt so much. And im not talking about thing that fill the capacity of my mind, but things so much deeper than that.

Sonethings I wonder, if these 'lessons' that im constantly learning will ever cease and I will know how to go about living my life perfectly, teaching others to follow my path. Probably not, but i guess it brings more meaning to lifes journey.

It was amazing to see the man I love - he was positively glowing with happiness, his appearance was different, but at the same time he was more like himself. Like the Italian part of is soul had become external. I could feel how natural he felt within his enviornment, and knew that he was much more comfortable and relaxed in Italy then England will ever be able to provide him.

As soon as I arrived at the airport, I was all prepared and expected for enlightening experiences and breathtaking views that would shake the depths of my soul. The same feeling I get when im meditating sometimes. But what happened wasnt really what I expected, I guess I didnt think it through enough, or probably thought about it too much.

Lesson no 1. Dont think too much about what somethings going to be like, Life is one of the most unexpected and random things. It will always suprise you.

Being in his arms again was so peaceful. His friends were very nice people, but I was very quickly reminded about my situation when I found that, most of the time, I had no idea what was going on, what they were laughing about and what everyones thoughts were - and they also didnt understand me. This was my first mistake,  as I let the past slip into the equation then. Memories started flashing back from times where I felt so left out from not understanding the language that depression would very quickly sink in and arguments with ex boyfriends were hideous, energy draining and completley non productive.

So there were a few times on this holiday that I wanted to dissapear. But the idea of getting lost in a country that is very unfamiliar to me slightly put Me off. Of cousre I tried to talk the language but it was difficult, my vocabulary was very limited. And then feelings of guilt would start to arise as I felt like i was disturbing his way of life out there, not being able to join into most conversations. Then worry follows as I look in his direction and he tries to read my thoughts, guessing how im feeling and trying to make it better for me. Bless his lovely heart. And then adding to all of this, I would think about how less time I have with him and that i want to make the most of it, because when i go back i wouldnt know when i was going to speak to him again, or even see him again. Of course, the negative ball of emotion gwoing bigger and bigger has an effect on the lines of your face, so i didnt look to happy alot of the time

Lesson no 2. One negative drop of water in the river leads to another and another, eventually leading to huge gusing currents slowly posiening your mind. It important to realise this is happeneing to you before it gets too strong and irreversable effects occur. When you feel it happening. take a mental step back from your own mind, and watch yourself, watch how your brain is chasing its own tail - and laugh. Laugh at how ridiculous you are bieng, and how much evenrgy you are wasting on things that later on, just wont matter anymore.

The crazy beach party was fun. Although I didnt understand anyone, alcohol seems to make every one speak a language that everyone can express. Who said this stuff was bad for ya? Swimming in the sea at midnight, playing voleyball drunk is hilarious. Feeling a little depserate then normal about trying to make a good impression, I didnt realise that maybe i was accidental being too friendly to a particualr individual. After he tried kissing  me a few times and touching me in places that were not friendly either, I tried to help him out with a few words. "Love you, first, before love for anyone else" He understood but still wouldnt leave me alone. Of course I didnt keep it to myself, it was obvious wat was going on anyway. On the last night of the holiday i saw him again, he came to eat dinner with us although i think he didnt realise we were there ar first. Carlo asked me if i felt uncomfortble being around him. I said no, and that he was a good guy, just did stupid things when he was drunk. I wanted to tell him that I forgive him, but didnt know how to say it in his language. But by the end of that night i could  still feel his eyes on me and the vibes he was giving were exactly the same as they were at the party. Thankfully he left early.

Lesson no 3. Drunk people dont make mistakes. they just dont have any boundries in their heads anymore so do and say things that are true to themselves without the care of others opinions. Good way to find out peoples real intentions, even if they dont know them themselves.

Climbing the mountain was one of the best parts of the holiday. My sense of adeventure was on fire. We took a path that didnt even really exsit anymore.This and diving from rocks which is something ive never done before ~(and did very badly, seen as i managed to belly flop, the gossip of Terracina)  I realised then that that is what my soul desires from this world the most. Experiences that ive never had before, climbing and seeing amazing things. I guess im a  backpacker without a backpack :). As I reached the top and looked down at the town, i realised how much like torquay it reminded me, The beach was beautiful, and to be near the sea is such a healthy thing for the soul. But there was no oppertunity, no room for growth and change. Going to the beach in the day and club in the night is really the only thing that keeps the town alive. People get stuck there, as beautiful as it is, they are still stuck, and ive always belived its not natural for human beings of my age and generation to be stuck.

Lesson 4. Im not a beach holiday person. Once ive had one/two days at the beach im contect to move onto the next experience. Thats when i realised, i wasnt there on holiday, i was there only to see the man i love. And that was fine with me.

There is so much more passion in a country like italy. evern about the small things like food. Love is so much more evident. Friends show this love to one another, with lots of hugs and kisses instead of being embaressed about it. And thats something that i could definiatly relate and embrace while i was there, as expressing love to the world is one of my favourite pasttimes :)

Lesson number 5. try to stay in the present moment at all times, exspecially at times like that, the future will only destroy the possible happy times that you are suppose to be submerged in. 

Luckily i realised the above, and even though its alot easier said then done, i managed to hack it a few times. On the night of my brithday, it just so happens the only italin musician i know had a cover band playing down at the beach where one of carlos friend worked at a restaurant. It was my last night.We danced together on the sand, compltely sober. It felt like the old times back in southampton at Whitehouse when we were only friends. The connection was still there, but this time we could cross boundries. Everything about that moment was special in every sense, and this was when the shivers really started to appear.

It was after this moment that something changed within me. Like the love i was feeling had upped a level - a level ive never experienced before. I was on a natural high, and didnt care what happened next aslong as i was by his side.

And then the next day, i left. I went through security looked at his face, walked a little further and couldnt see it anymore. and thats when it hit me. I ran to the nearest toilet before anybody could see me, and screamed in silence while i let the floods of tears escape my eyes....

From then until now, ive experienced a sadness i had forgotten exsisted. Like a part of me has been ripped away, its still lying on the sand looking at the stars, in a moment where nothing else matters in the universe and i asked nothing from it.

Now i ask for salvation. For replenishment. For the stregnth to get past the negativity that i know is not me but dwells inside me. To love but not to miss loving. To have an attachement but not feel lost when detached from it.

Most importantly, i pray for my bitter thoughts about the future of my relationship to be eradicated. And to be replaced by the most powerful force in the exsistence of man. Ultimate Acceptance -

"Quando guarda alla luna, pensa di me, perche promettio sara guardando la stessa luna allo stesso tempo, pensando a te"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TppCSd60yQY

Come on fate, just a little perspective please....

In these peacful moments within my life, I shed a tear. As it rolls down my cheek and onto my chest I realise that its not a tear of self pity or pain. It's come from somewhere deep inside, a place that even i cannot fully comprehend. A place where all human beings are connected -


But this connection has been long forgotten by many, as we fall into societies strict structure destroying the bonds of love - the bonds that make us realise we are made of the same thing, therefore are one and all.

My mind is so much quieter these days. It's like for the last 8 months ive found the right control to turn down my thoughts as i slowly realise how unimportant and a waste of energy most of them are. It's done a great deal of good to my health, and has reflected on my life situation in such a positive way.

However there is a part of me that has never changed. A longing to help people in need and to make a difference in this world. In the past I tried, but it was a slow progress as I hadnt fully fixed myself yet, so i ended up chasing my own tail quite a bit. However now my head is so much clearer its like an endless blue sky of realisation of how many people in this world are soo............ lost.

And I am not afraid to admit it but a part of me wishes i was blind from that again. The fustration is so immense, im not sure what to do with myself. This clearness in my head has resulted in me seeing the beauty and love within everyone, even if many other people think it doesnt exsist inside them anymore. This combined with my longingness to help people has resulted in me trying to get people to realise the goodness inside themselves - but im failing. People want to stay the way they are, because its the only thing they know, and to change into a better person (actually the person they really are before they cover it up with crappy personality traits thats not them at all) is a scary concept for them. Its happened so many times now, and im not sure how much more i can take.

Then riots start around the country, and I think to myself, I am trying to be the change i wish see in the world, but the news shows my failure with fire and a ridiculous amount of unneccesary violence.

This post is a little different from the others. The others had a conclusion, a positive one, for everyone to reflect on. This one however, is open, like an open wound waiting for the right medicine to clense it from its negativity, in the hope that it will be sealed soon without more harmful infliction.

I need love to give me the strength, and guide me to the top of the hills where the progress im trying to make can be seen in clear view with my own very eyes. Because just believing and carrying on is soo hard for me right now. Im not sure if i can take that leap of faith...

The Yellow Brick Road....

Lastnight, I heard my grandmother pray. And it was beautiful

It was one of those moments in life - those ones you dont realise how magical it is until it passes.

Sleeping in the same room as her, because I had an instinct I had to see her, even if she was staying in a house were there wasnt any room for me.

All my life, shes been telling that she prays for me everynight. And I thought it was just something she said.

She likes to tell the story of how as a baby I use to be like a koala bear, not letting go of her leg when it was time to go home. No  matter what happens, that woman will have a very special place within my heart.

At the moment, I have embarked on an adventure. But the funny thing is, it isnt just any old adventure - Its the one that I dreamed of. Everyday as i meditate, I reflect upon the fact of how lucky i really am. But is it luck? Actually I dont think so

A bit of FYI for all peeps in this world - Dreams DO come true. There are a few tricks to it obviously.

One of them is to just have the right mind set - appreciate what you have, accept your dream when it comes to you, and then just never stop dreaming of other things, until the glorious day of your death.

Another - is to have loved ones around you ask the universe for you dreams to come true. Whether its a mutal friend wishing you all the best with a handshake, or the grandmother that has been more like a mother then any other, pray  everynight to the god that shes believed in all her life. As loong as it comes from that persons heart with good intentions - its pure magic

And the last is something that me and a very good friend of mine have come to realise. Finishing university was a very scary exepeirence. It seems that, most people went back to carry on their lives before they came to uni. Fair enough, familiarity is always the safe solution. Some people stayed int he city they studied in, deciding on a career unrelated to thier study. This is also understandable, as the curent economical climate is pretty crud and earning money is very hard indeed.

But these paths. to me seemed out of place. My heart just couldnt connect to any of these situations.
So I picked a random city that I liked and made the decision. Took that leap of faith and just moved, here, to brighton, the city where literally anything is accepted. I have the city centre to my left and the sea to the right of my house. I have a job where there is alot of freedom, trust and such an amazing oppertunity to meet everyone within the music industry that exsits here. Of course there are things to struggle with everyday. my pay is very low. my resources were limited. being away from the man i love is feels like my heart is very slowly and painfully being eroded away, leaving me very lost and confused at times.

But I know I chose the right path. simply because it was the path that had not been taken yet. This is the third tactic to be exspecially aware of, and which is beautifully explained by a Mr Robert Frost in the poem below

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim Because it was grassy and wanted wear, Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I marked the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

The past university expeiernce was ful of life. The future is just brimming with exciting mystery. But right now, I am ....a pace :)

More than just WoRdS....

Words

they are just a form of communication for what actually is.

When it comes to emotions, they are only labels of that emotion. not actually the emotion. Will we ever come to realise that again?

Love is a huge example. Two people are together. They caress each other, they laugh togther, they care about each other. They make love toegther. But still, the word love is not said between them, when quite clearly, its there. And its when one of them plucks up the courage to say, you know what i love you. Does love start at that very moment that the person said those words? no. Did it start when that person started realising it was love in the head , but not telling it to anyone? absolutly not. It was always there.

Some of us talk to much. But are still afraid of words that label our feelings.

Sometimes i think weve got to stop talking. and stop thinking. Just Do. Just Feel. and if we do this, we wil be able to understand each other, just as animals do. By a look in the eye, a sixth sense in their gut, a heart positivly vibrating in your ribcage. This is emotion. This is real. This is how to live a life, alive, instead of wasting each day with words and then realising when were on our death bed, that weve been labelling our lives away.

Dont get me wrong, they can help people immensely. Hence why I write this blog, to inspire people with words. But let me tell you, if i could just stick to demonstrating goodness in the world, and how easy it is to inspire, to love, and provide as much aid as i can through only my actions, in which people would watch, learn, and repeat themselves, then not only would it be more effective, but i would also be able to reach as many hearts as i wanted in the world, no matter what languauge they spoke.

Some people use words to convince themselves of things. To brainwach themselves. And then, when they say these words to other people, they expect the right words to be said back to confirm their made up convictions.

Self pity is a huge one. Everybody has suffered in their life, one way or another. And I have noticed, with alot  more people then i care to mention, that they use thier words when they are weak, and are feeling most vunrable, to tell sad stoires of themselves. Because then pity from the person you are telling it to will flow into you and you will ultimatly be more powerful, having sucked al tha perons energy away from them and possesed it for your own.

Words can be used for fun and for laughter. This is a tool that i will not deny. and the more laughter tehre is the world, the better.People find it strange that i have friends that dont really speak english. But whats said between us doesnt have to be clear - just the meaning of it does. And these friends are some of the best.

I was telling a 'sad' story in my life to people the other day - and i realised as i was telling it, there was so much laughter and positive words, that nobody in that room felt drained, or forced to show their concern or created awkward silences. it went a little something like this.....

13 years old, i was in noddy land, getting my much needed sleep for school the next day. i woke up to this sudden sound of my fathers voice... GET UP EVERYONE, GET ONE GET UP AND DRESSED NOW! I opened my eyes, to find that i couldnt really see much, smoke had filled the entire room - and i was soon to realise, the entire flat. i got dresed - but into my school uniform! (well it was the closest thing to me ) My sister christina was being too slow so i told her to hurry. I opened the door and dad told me to go to the lounge window which was open. i looked behind me, and there was one of my step brothers.... in a huge fluffy robe and 3d cheeky monkey slippers! and i thought school uniform was bad enough. my other step brother heard my dads voice, but wrapped himself in the blanket and said he didnt want to go to school today. we tried to wake him up and tell him there was a fire in the house and it was 3am morning. when he finally got the message, he got dressed and headed straight to the front door. My dads voice was scarily loud. NO HARRY NOT THE FRONT DOOOR THATS WHERE THE FIRE IS COMING FROM!. i think, by then he was definitly not half asleep anymore!


we all started climbing down a ladder that was coming from the lounge window. fred nearly tripped in his humungos slippers and my step mum, 7 months pregnant, definitly struggled. it made me think about how huge people must try and stay away from ladders, the balance just wouldnt work! us four teenagers were told to wait in the fire-engine while pen was in the ambulance. me and christina were eyeing up al the fireman - my god they were perfect eye candy for 2 13 year olds :D then suddenl i smelt something really bad. fred shouted, urgh harry, dont fart in the fire engine, theres no air in here! nervous maybe? we all burst out laughing.


After this day we had to move from B&B'S To holiday flats to houses  4/5 times in the space of 2 years. but the whole experience has made learn to survive quite happily with hardly any furniture luxerys or private space. I could basically live anywhere, be happy and still make it home.

Sticks and stones will brek my bones but words will never hurt me

Actions speak louder than words

A picture paints a thousand words

These phrases have been round for centuries - so we all know of the unimportance of words.

• Next time you wanna express an emotion try showing it instead of saying it - the effect is so much stronger.

• Feeling sorry for yourself is only a state of mind. Every one of your sad stories can be be broken and manipulated into spreading laughter and happiness - try it, youll only have words to loose :)

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wmgTH_Oe5M&feature=related
 The song of this blog

What Is Love? Ladies and Gentle beings, an Idiots guide....

Negative emotion is a building with many floors. built from bricks with many layers. Piece by piece it can be completely eradicated. Let me show you how, take a sneaky look.

The Demolition

Take away Anger

Youll be left with Jealousy

Rip apart Jealousy

Possesiveness will remain

Dispose of possessiveness

Only Attachment will conquer

Clear all of your attachments

A powerful realisation  occurs

That all of the above derived from one source, that is actually only a product of the cunning imagination a creation of the brain.

Pure Fear. The sole reason for every mistake made by Human Kind.
People are always frightened.

Scared of what might happen.

Scared of what will happen. 

Scared of what wont happen. 

Scared of loosing control 

Scared of inevitable change 

It doesnt have to be this way. People dont have to suffer. Because there is a way of eradicating this minds image. This fear. 

Acceptance

Such a simple but difficult task. The brains just noise, like an untuned radio. Switch it off and acceptance follows.

Once that has happened, there are no emotions created by the brain anymore. After everything has been stripped away, what is it that people feel? How does it feel? Where does it come from?

Its the one aspect that links us all to each other. Connects us to every living thing, from the micro organisms living underneath the rocks, to the highly intelligent beings living in the universe on distance planets. Its the energy deriving from inside that makes every atom within our body alive with power. It isnt an emotion. Its just being. As human beings, weve labelled it, given it a word, which is so mis used and misunderstood that confusion to whether it exsits or not dwells around the world.

We call it Love

I personally dont have a word for it. I know that its the reason why i do what I do everyday.  And I also know that I have a hell of alot of it to give.

Instead of labelling it, Il desribe a fraction of its aspect, it potential in a short poem.

Love is not an attachment

Love is not a lie

It cannot be created

And it will never die

Loves not about grievement

or a figment of the mind

Its the unconcious power

That dwells in each inside

Its the scent of a flower

Its the blue of the sky

Its the sweet sound of music

That brings tears to your eyes

Its a constant reoccurance

a beautiful melody that you hear

Once felt  for someone or something

It can never disappear

It can increase in intensity

if sparked by a connection

It provides incredible power

When mixed with affection

How can love hurt

With all its incredability

Its the fear of loosing it

That ends in stupidity

For it can never be lost

If at first it wasnt found

Its the meaning of immortality

Its always been around

Now this may sound insane. But I am always in love. And its not because I crave phsyical affection, or need any special attention. Its not because I need to fill a whole in my heart, or feel wanted by anyone. Because all of these feelings of attachments is not love. Its just another form of fear.

Its because for me, its just being. Living is loving. Not only do i fall in love with my beautiful surroundings, but i fall in love with people. I think people are amazing. I spot their best traits, thier talent, thier kindness and it just beautiful. And thats it. the connection is made, and never leaves. Whether its with a man, or a girl friend, a child, a parent, or a guardian. Its there

Soooo many examples.

1. My Mother was not part of my life for most of my childhood. Her parenting skills barely exsist, and her self-absorbtion has ruined my life on more than one occasion. I cannot think of one logical reason to love her. But I love her with all my heart,

Because love is without reason.

2. A Woman that came into my life as a child, and showed me the meaning of mother. Her inspiration was incredible. Within 1 year of living with us, I knew the type of woman i wanted to grow up to be. In every aspect, in my opinion, she showed me the meaning of beautiful femininity that i longed to aquire. As a 11 year old child, the mind is not so corrupting, so when love is felt for someone, its said without shame or embaressment. And it still exists to this day.

Because Love is not blood

3. An ex boyfriend that couldnt be more different to the person i am if you tried to match me with an extra terssistal. But love still appeared. I tried to prove my love by staying with him for so long against all odds, even if i was incredibly unhappy in everyway. But in the end I finished it.

Because love is not attachment. Its acceptance, its letting go, its sacrafice

4. One night, one man. One feeling. Pure and simple. His fear maybe the reason why he pretended there was nothing, and the reason why he continues his life burrying what he cant accept. But time has nothing to do with love.

Because Love is immortal, for in the face of love, time does not exsist.





5. A good friend. expereincing hardships together, but never loosing contact. Helping each other through the hurt of other loved ones. It created love very early, but was not percieved as love. I thought I just cared. But of course, what triggers the need to care? Years pass. But in just one night, the mind cleared. the signs the universe were giving me were everywhere. I followed them. An oppertunity appeared, and the love inside of me guided me into his arms. Then I knew what i felt in that moment always existed, and will always exsit.

Because love is destiny

 The Rebuild

And now, with love, layers can be built again with positive building blocks.

From love, Joy appears

From Joy, happiness is born

From happiness, we learn the art of being content

Being content guides us all to peace. 

A united peace that will save the world.

Thats the way to live. To love

 

I heart...........voids? wert :/

3 words...... (its not I Love You, although thats another story) ....

Nope, its Tao Te Ching. My new bible. It just puts everything into perspective.

Its from the religon Taoism. Its a pretty cool religon. Its diet is healthy and it encourages sex as it provides positive energy to the person your canoodleing with. Thumbs up all round right :D

Chapter 11 from this new founded bible and another blog about this subject really got me thinking about Voids.

Hmmm, Empty space is such a strange thing.









Before I tell you what Chapter 11 reveals, il get stuck in with examples.

1) a rather good explanatory movie

Theres a film I watched recently, and it was quite simply, fucking amazing. Peaceful Warrior has the most amount of uplifting quotes that can be written for a movie, and it really moved me. The mysterious man (Given the name Socrates) who works at a petrol station serves this customer (Dan) at 3am nearly every single night. Socrates asks Dan 1 night, are you happy? Dan explains about the perfection that is his life (girls, fitness, friends). Then Socrates asks, so why can you not sleep at night? He answers his own question. Its because your afraid, afraid of the emptiness in your life....He doesnt deny it. And its this that gets him started on his spiritual journey, of not to fight the evident void in his life, or even try to fill, but to embrace it.

Filling the void with external experiences is what, in my opinion, is one of the main destructions that exsist in this crazy world. Alcohol and nicotine are perfect examples that also contain chemicals to aid the obsessiveness.

2) Personal reference

Best personal example.......explanation of literally, the worst phase of my life - were alot of mistakes were made. I felt I had a hole in my life, so i tried to fill it with a relationship, with love. Things werent working out, I ended it. But I felt like the hole had somehow increased in size and felt the obsessive need to fill it again, but was also telling myself i dont want a relationship. This craaazy confusion resulted in many drunken nights within a short period of time doing things that I was extremely ashamed of . Only recently have I managed to forgive myself for letting myself be used in such a way. And of course, its just another temorary filling.

There is only one thing that can permanently fill that hole, and that is complete acceptance of its existence. Even happiness cannot fill it for long, for all the negitive influnces in the world will do their darnest to destroy your it.

3) Bit of maths

Now comes the calculation

Fill empty space with acceptance = peace. But Peace = empty space

Confused? Dont Worry, Brian Cox will explain......:D

4) Bit of science

Apparently 99.9% of the whole entire vastness of the universe.....is.........space. nothing. voidness to its max. In between all the atoms that make us up there is more space then mass. This amount of empty space is not just huge, but gravitational too. Its grounding, and curves the shape of the planets orbits and the overall outline of universe itself.

5) Bit of R.E

So here comes my trust old bible and that special chapter i talked about before this school subject sesh started

11

Thirty spokes will converge
In the hub of a wheel;
But the use of the cart
Will depend on the part
Of the hub that is void.

With a wall all around A clay bowl is molded;
But the use of the bowl
Will depend on the part
Of the bowl that is void.

Cut out windows and doors
In the house as you build;
But the use of the house
Will depend on the space
In the walls that is void.

So advantage is had
From whatever is there;
But usefulness rises
From whatever is not.

Well i may have been writing to many dissertations recently and may have gone overboard with referenceing, but i guess i could say ive proved my point quite thoroughly.

So, dont be afraid, its only space :P

Zen is THE shiz

Do you think, you think too much? Or do you have to think about that, before saying, I think so?

Annoyed with that sentence somewhat?? yea well - I have a small suggestion

Why is it, that we feel we need to do all this thinking for? Somewhere, along the lines of history, i reckon something got seriously mixed up. Not only did we loose the knowledge of how important it is to trust and judge from the inside, with the source that we all share and are connected by, but we are utilising our brains all wrong, when its purpose is to be a tool only.

A few concequences of this:

1. If your trying to achieve something, and think too much, the achievement doesnt work out they way you expected


2. When you find yourself in a difficult situation, and go away to think about things, but dont come to a conclusion and just feel extremely tired instead.


3. If you think about going and doing something, and not do it, the only reason you didnt do it is because your thoughts stopped you.


Thinking prevents you from amazing oppertunites, distracts you from what youare capable of and drains the vital energy away needed for your body to funtion properly.

aaand example time

First Il refer back to one of my Favourite films of all time - The Last Samauri. Dont really know what tom cruise is like as a person but hes pretty darn awesome in this film.

In the Japanese mountains, hes learning the way of the samauri. But no matter for how long he tries it, he just cant master it like the others. Until a dude goes up to him and literally says the words "no mind". From that moment, what he was trying to achieve, suddenly became very possible, because he used power from within, instead of the noisy distraction of his thoughts.

Second a strange apiphany that happened to me when I was trying to make an important decision about my future. This summer is looking extremely cloudy - and i guess I just wanted to see a bit of sunshine, a abit of clarity. But I was trying to force a UV beam through the fog, something fake to give me light, to give me direction. Too much thinking and just wanted peice of mind. Nearly made the wrong decision and spent my last monies on going to america fo the summer with a compnay that just wanted to strip me bare of wonga. Literally last minute, I made it through the darkness  and managed to get back in touch with wat truely mattered and felt right. Close call tho

And last but not least - the present moment....a strong instinct that planted itself for years, dormant inside of me, trying to pull me closer to someone, someone special....but I resist, with utter pretence and suffering. I allowed so many automatic objections to block out what truly presented itself infront of me. Each one creating a wall within the mind...and the more walls I built the further away I stood to what felt right to me...eventually this turned into my thoughts becoming lies, and all lieing to yourself does is prolong amazing experiences which are already destined on your path. But if something so powerful as instincts exsist, wouldnt it win the battle one day? Well yea of course. and so the day came when the truth came out in an explosion of realisation. Everything became so.... clear. Like breathing in mountain air. I knew what I had to do next. This opportunity was not to be missed this time -  I had to embrace fully in its potential and beauty.

My next mission was not to let the mind take over again almost immediately. Because from the outisde, I may have looked slightly insane. The second to worst thing after your own poisonous thoughts, are other peoples. Not many people understood my actions. quotes such as "Never saw that one coming" and "Thats really random" and "shes always in a relationship" have been constantly surrounding my life recently. And for a second i let my mind take over, and absorb it all and it made my life a living hell. No Mind - No offence able to be taken in the first place. Complete acceptance of what is. 

And this is the key to peace.

Accept, Embrace then Enjoy. The moment is here and now, and the minds image its created of your past, your future your 'life story' are literaly that - just an image, just a story. A distortion of reality. Know this and clutch at that freedom with deep passion and an open heart. If your outside the box, you Can never go wrong ;)