l'universo trova spazio dentro me......

So wow its been too long since i let go of all my emotions on here. Life just gets more and more crazy and its quite wierd to know that im too busy to just take an hour of my life out to blurt everything out.

But ive decided that it is really time now. before I overspill which is probably not very healthy

So I guess I SHOULD be talking about how I grew to hate the materialistic parts of my previous job and started to realise how messed up the music industry is now, and that I know Im not quite ready for it yet.

Or I SHOULD bet talking about how I went about changing my whole career path in just 9 months, gained two different qualifications, lived in two other places to eventually acheive living abroad (which was my ultimate goal.

Or I SHOULD be talking about how amazing it is that I achieved this goal, in 9 months and am now living in the passionate affectionate country that is Italy  i'm in a job where I constantly help people learn all day in an effective and individual way.

Or I SHOULD be talking about how amazing it feels to be expressing my feelings with words in another toungue and how amazing it feels to be utilizing my brain everyday and learn something new on a constant basis, broadening my understanding of language and culture every single day.

Or I REALLY SHOULD be talking about the extremely hard decision that I made before I came to Italy, to part ways with the man I love, which was an extremely sacrificial decision and which he cannot accept or even try to understand still which is making my life a heck lot difficult then it should be right now.

But no. I don't want to talk about any of these things. All these things, crazily enough I think I can just about handle. I trust in life too much to worry about it al. Ive followed my heart every single step of the way and so there is no need to dwell on it.

No ladies and gentleman, believe it or not, the only thing I want to talk to you today about is -  new found Love. Are you surprised  I didn't think so. Its the one thing in life that is nearly impossible to understand handle and deal with without alot of thinking and patience and maturity. 

In the past I have fallen in love, and in order to deal with my emotions I have told the story on here. Maybe its good aswell because it is a way of preserving the story, just in case there are details I have forgotten. But the past was different. Living with someone, or working with someone, or being best friends with someone for 2 years and eventually realising I love them have been a few of the situations.

But now crazy things are happening, so fast... and it is proving my theory of love even more, that it is always there within  people, it exists inside the connections between people that is realized at the first time we ever meet that person.

My life seems to be one love story after another. Does this make me a confused person who doesn't know what love is? I don't think so. I think it confirms the fact that I have figured out what it's all about. And there is one particular phrase, inside my favorite poem, that can explain it just a little.

' Do not be cynical about love, because in face of despair and ardirity, it is as perennial as grass'

But the reality is, there are no words to describe it. The heart speaks words the mind will never write.

Of course love comes again and again, because it is pure energy, never created, destroyed, just going round and round and round, showing itself in different forms, in different people but in fact in the end its all from the same source.

I want to take this opportunity to thank the universe. 

- Thank you for making me feel the immensity of new found love many times in my life, again and again and showing me the power it has.

-Thank you for making me have the intuition to realise where it exsists again and again and being so prone to it and also providing me proof that i am right to follow my feelings.

- And thank you for giving me the strength every single time to deal with everything that comes after it, all the good and the bad things that happen, all the rejection and the relief.

Thank you, and I am always eternally grateful for everything you have placed in my life, no matter what happens and no matter if i do let in bad emotions into my life sometimes and let them take over. I know its wrong and I realise this quite quickly and change it as soon as possible.

I will return your goodness, with more love and compassion for the world, forever giving, and forever loving. And I will teach others to do the same. 

Thats another story told. A dopo, untill the next one, good night x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lrVymj9xHY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccsWumaqjkU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COiIC3A0ROM

Wheres the Summer? Inside your self healing soul of course....

 Below is a blog that was accidently written in two parts. The first is something that I jotted down hitting an all time low, trying to find some kind of outlet for my feelings. Its me trying to persuade myself with my own advice, trying to find a light. The second part is 4/5 days later, where I followed the advice I gave myelf in the first part, and also followed my heart blindly. Please read below to realise your potential of self healing, the power of time and the magic of trusting your heart even through the darkest, rainiest summer that one can ever remember. It may bring the sun back into your life.


Part 1

According to scientists, the feeling of sadness only lasts for 3 seconds.... why the hell would I allow it to consume my mind for a whole night? A few days? a week? Putting my soul under constant suffering. What is it doing to my age? My energy? The positive opportunies that await me? Only god knows.... or I do know. Its blocking everything, it blocks the energy to live a long life with a happy attitude, pathing your paths to success and glory.


Is it OK to be sad for a day? I mean, its only a day right. Wrong. It all counts. It all adds up, at the end, you wont even have the time to regret. Somewhere, in that day that you are sad, are so many things to be happy about it. The fact that you can get up and dance whenever you want. The fact that the sun is shining in your face. The fact that you are loved, so immensely. And the fact that you have a choice........


Happiness IS a choice. If you notice that you are unhappy with your work, or your relationship, these are all things that can be changed. Realise that you have the power to change and always will. And if it is a slow moving change, the inbetween bits of live can always be lived happily. It is YOUR choice.


Sometimes decisions are hard to make. I know that when your stuck in a whirl of sadness it is almost impossible to get yourself to do anything about it. It is almost like some sick addiction to the feeling. None of this sounds right, or even human but we still do it to ourselves. What are we looking for? And do most of turely want to change, or do they become comfortable because it is means they dont have to veer towards the unknown?


Im fighting, im fighting, im fighting. An endless battle, but I know that soon there will be moments, much better than this, there always have been and there always will be. Im not scared of what I have to lose or sacrafice, because they are both parts of life that you have to go through.


It does take a while to recover though, after youve been to very very dark places in your head. My heart acchess for sooooo long the next day and its very hard to put a brave smile on. but not impossible. Find all the possible resources to make you happy, and when the time is right, make the right decisions to make sure their are less chances of something like that happeneing again.

....................................................................................................................................................................................


Part 2

I think ive won the battle. Im in the middle of trying to change what I am not happy about. Ive been surrounded by friends. And ive done some hard manual labour. After clearing out all of the negativity in my head, I filled my soul with magic, by listening to music, reading the right words, and seeing new places. I feel revitalised. Like, whatever happens in the next week, I will be completely and utterly happy with.

Suffering is a part of human exsistence. I will not blame myself for what I put myself through, because absolutley everyone, suffers. Its the acceptance of this very fact, that it happens and it is a part of our lives whether we like it or not, is what opens up the path back to happiness and a state of peaceful well being. We all have the power of this acceptance. It is whether we actually want it or not that will decide on whether you will find a more permantant contentness. Good luck my friends, your happiness is in your hands.

Drip drop....drip drop.... bang!

My last post ended with anything is possible. My first blog of 2012 and im here to tell you that the impossible has happened. and is still happening. And this has provided me with enough prove to figure out, that it will always happen for the rest of my life.

I showed a friend a book around a year ago. This friend didnt speak much english, so I breifly tried to describe what it was about in very basic language, i basically said - no past, no future, only now. and now is the best.

He looked at me with disinterest. I didnt see him for a long while after that. A few weeks ago, i receievd a message from him. He told me he had started reading a book which he thinks the authoer is one of my favourites and it has completely transformed his life. He said he was the happiest he has ever been and that it is something and it is a happiness that will last. Boy did i get the shivers.

My cousen recently came back into my life. Found out where i was living and decided to spend some time with me at the weekends. We dont do much. il take him out of course, fun is compulsory. but il cook alot and make sure hes ok. didnt think much of it really, i mean hes fam. But i also recieved a message from recently, saying that staying here brings so much happiness in his life, he just feels great being in my home. Now im shivering and in a state of shock...

A guy from the bar i work at. always felt he had a lovely auora but didnt really talk much as i dont get many shifts there.There was a time tho that i noticed a sadness in his eyes. couldnt do much about it without seeming like a weirdo. but fate decided to get us talking on the net. problems blurted out like they had been locked up for a long time. i came back with only ever positive responses. Not really thinking about it, and to be honest expecting to be ignored soon because there are alot of people that i meet and try and help that actually dont want the positivity.. By the end of the day, i got a message from him that he had just had a complete change around, and new jobs had been offered. he said he thought it was me and the positive energy id been giving him all day. By this point i was proper freaked out at myself......

What is it that makes the ripple travel accross the calm waters?

The small unimportant things that you do. The ones that have no meaning at the time. The ones that your heart tells you to do for no reason. The ones without the intention of anything in return.

I think there is something really important about realising what your actions will eventually result in. And even more important to have the patience to wait for the effects to be seen. It makes me appreciate how magical and impossible life really is. and if you dont embrace the magic of life then your not truely living.

How are you able to really see each ripple and its meaning, in the murky waters that is the current state of the world?

Heightened Awareness. Switching of the world in your head and absorbing the atmosphere and the enviornment is around you.

In order to see the effects of your actions, you must realise the potential of connections between two people. This is a skill we all have but have forgotten how to use.

When i meet people for the first time i can automatically tell if i am connected to that person. If i am, then life eventually makes them a much bigger part in my life, and you end up being a big part in theirs.
But i know there are allot of people who feel these connections and are scared of them and so try to pretend they dont exsist.

Its because they dont understand. People fear and avoid what they cant comprehend.

Its also the admittance of the connection being there. In the end the connection is the stem of the energy of love. Because people cannot accept that they are efectively in love with everyone they get along with and can have a good chinwag with. Because of the way we have distorted the meaning of love.

But why stop the energy flow? why imbalance the love in the world by pretending its not there? Surely Its an unnecessary blockage and  thats exactly whats caused most of the spiritual destruction on the earth.

I embrace these connections. I obviously know the limits but the connections are tehre for a reason. and the more i embrace them, the more i am aware of the energy flow between people and how beautiful it is, and the more i become aware of this, the more i am seeing positive results of actions in which once upon a time, i thought were completely meaningless.

Be aware, be open and most important of all, be present. You have so much to give to the world, and the world has undescribable, incomprehensible and impossible amounts to give back to you. Just make sure at that time, you are ready  to receieve it :)

When the years are collected
I pray that we are regretless
You and I the connected
You and I and the blood and the bone

Fight against your evil, and 2012 will be the change in the world we so desperatly need to see

Ever feel like you had a thought, and then you suddenly looked back on it and it didnt make sense because you didnt recognise yourself while thinking it?

Ive always believed that if you strip away all thoughts, you are left with your pure self. Stop thinking and you will find yourself. But of course, we have to think to survive as human beings.

What I wanna know is, where have we, along the line, managed to get thought attached to emotion, to the point where we create our own turmoil? Surely this isnt what nature inteneded?

But this isnt even the end of the story. Why is it, when we have that random and unrecognisable thought, is it SO hard to stop thinking it? Why is it, it gradually becomes an obsession, growing and mutating into conclusions that you didnt even know was possible to come to? Its at that point when we have to act other wise we will explode with negaitvy. We either blurt out all these thoughts out loud, or do something stupid based on those conclusions. And its only then, when it comes out into the real world, when you hear yourself or look at thte stupid thing you just did, when we realise, 'what the hell was i thinking?' If this realistion doesnt occur striaght away, then usually after a bit of  time, when the situation doesnt matter anymore it will definitly hit you. Times heals everything. God I love Time.

Its us that creates the one negtive thought. Society has brainwashed us into doing this. But for it to actually result in growing and mind control, well, maybe thats another form of being altogether. Eckhart calls it the 'Pain Body' which I forgot about until recently, and only made the effort to remember the term because Ive been feel8ing like this being has been having an effect on my life recently more then ever. But only because I have let it in.

If you have the will power to fight against it, then thats one step closer to never letting a negative thought control your head again. If your aware of it happening, if you can step outside the circle and look in, and recognise that that is what it is, thats another stepp closer. If you know that this being is doing this to you, and not blame yourself or feel any guilt for it, (as these are just more negative thoughts it can feed on and trust me its hungry) then you are yet another step closer,.

little steps, baby steps. its still progress nontheless.

Theres another factor that has to be taken into consideration though. If you let it grow, and even if your passing someone else in the street with a weak resistance to negtivity, it can attach itself to someone else, and manifest to the point that the other person effected could do something crazy that even they dont recognise in themselves.This is one of the things im most scared of. I know that if the pain body starts whispering in my ear i may fall to its words for a short time, but i know whats going on and im strong enough to eventually, when the head is clear, to fight it. But if in that short period of time i have passed it on, well im effectivly making the world a worse place to be in. and thats deifnitly not my intention.

When i first realsied this a year ago, i did everything in my power to stop it happening to me. It worked. I got everything i ever wanted in the space of two months.

Ive now been in a relationship for 10 months, 4 months of that has been long distance. And i have realised, if there is one thing that the pain body loves most to feed on, its long distance relationships. think of all the painful and strong emotions that are being felt by two people everyday. All the thoughts about what the other person is doing, or what you hope they are not doing. How much you want to be with that person but you cant, how just so unfair that is. And even when seeing each other, think of all the expectations of spending time with each other, and if these expectations arent met how much sadness can be created. Its heaven for this horrible being out to make peoples life a misery. No wonder most long distance doesnt work....

You have to be SO strong. SO resistant. So incredibly positive, push back every negative thought.

Will the strength inside me slowly die away and be distinguished one day?

I hope the power of love wil be enough to prevent my lamp from burning out. Love is all I believe in, so if it doesnt win the fight, I will not end up being the change I want to see in the world.

Christmas will be peaceful. A clear head will be needed for whats to come. Because after that the madness begins. 2012 is the year i plan to start maiking this difference. To live to the max, to makeas much happiness as possible. Join me. Fight the evil, rid the demons of  your life before 2012 comes, so we can enter a new year in peace and harmony, ready for anything, making ANYTHING possible.

My only wish, is for love to prevail. And that battle starts today.

No Pain, No Gain

Recently Ive been sent through a whirlwind of physical pain. Starting with the teeth, they say its the worst pain in the body as its nerves are closest to the brain. Waves of migrane, not being able to sleep, look at bright lights, feeling sick when ever I moved, then having to do a very loud bar shift full of drunk people and an irish band who were amazing but were making my headbang with every beat they played. After this ordeal started to calm down, the weakest part of my body decided to give in again, resulting in not being able to walk, and even lying down with my legs up, the pain was throbbing up and down my foot stopping me sleeping but still having to do alot of hard physical work for work the next day.

Looking back it on it now, it was probably one of the most difficult working days of my entire life. It was literally a struggle to walk, so everything else I was doing for 7 hours on top of that was nearly impossible. I hadnt had chance to rest my ankle, and I could feel every step I took my body was resisting, telling me to stop

Through this 1 week of turmoil, where there wasnt really a minute I wasnt in pain, I did alot of thinking. My philosophy that everything happens for a reason was weakening - Id recently helped out quite alot of people and couldnt think of one bad thing that I had done to be punished in such a way. Usually I figure it out and helps me direct myself and my life again, but this time there was nothing to justify it.

Then I started thinking, if everything happens for a reason and good and bad are figments of our imagination, then why can I not turn this situation into it happening for a good reason? Why cant pain be good? Ive heard people say pain is good, because it means the body is working hard to fix itself, but Im not sure about that theory.

So I changed my perspective. What did pain actually do for my mind? Well when Im in pain, its all I seem to think about. All my thoughts were directed towards it, hoping it would stop soon, what I can do to get rid of it, the levels of pain ect..

I found that pain was actually very grounding. It took my mind off the past, the future, and it made me concentrate on whats happening now,  living for the present moment. And I realised how healthy that actually is. And we all know The Power Of Now (the book that took me out of depression a year ago).

So I am grateful for it. For one week my mind has not been poisened with the past and future thoughts that destroy us all slowly and leads to stress and our eventual downfall.

Because of my 1 week of pain, Ive prolonged my beautiful life. Next time your in pain, this attitude will cause you absolutly no harm to implement :)

The Power Of Now is The Present. Open it!

Never feel like your at home anywhere? Heres a differerent way of thinking about it :)

Casa Dolce Casa

North, East, South, West

Which feels right? Which feels best?

To the highest mountain

or the warmest seas

I look for home

But not with ease

The place of my birth

Full of familiarity

Does not feel like my home

With its layers of memories

An exotic country

What im most fond of

Doesn't contain the feeling

Of peace, of hope, of Love

Thats when I realise

That 'home' is not fixed

Its not found around me

It has no door or bricks

Its the inner emotions

When inside your embrace

Enclosed in your soul

Lost in Time, In space

Peace is in your presence

Comfort in the love you provide

My home is where my heart is

And my heart never leaves your side

REMINDER: Dont ever forget the power of love

With me without me

When I gaze into the starry sky at night

Contemplating the galaxy's delight

Its then that I catch the scent of your hair

and feel your embrace, holding me tight.

Walking along the stony shore clearing my thoughts

in a cold but calming sea side town

I suddenly sense your warm hand inside mine

Hearing your voice a precious, soothing sound

When I wrap myself inside my bed at night

Only the smell of your clothes accompany me

I long for your feet to rub mine gently

Filling a heart that craves your affection deeply

Forgive me my treasure, for my bitter thoughts that make no vital sense

Its soley because the love and compassion that I possess for you is so immense

So whatever it is that I do in my life, I will always know that this much is clear

Everywhere I go, I'm uplifted by the power of your presence, for you are always near.

Forever with me, my dear.