I learnt many things from it, but the things that stands out the most would be its description of energy. And from this point my imagination went crazy. As the book described, every human has an auora around them, like a big bubble of energy. If someone was content it would be of normal size. However if you watched that person interact with other humans, you can aparently see this energy bubble change size. If someone was being flirty, or just generally positive around you, you can see this positive persons energy suddnely flow into the other persons energy bubble making it bigger. And if this person reacts in a positive manner back to this person, you can see this flow of energy being exchanged back. However, if someone was to interact in a threatening manner, generally nasty, or even, not saying anything at all, you can see this person drawing all the other persons energy bubble into thier own bubble, creating an energy bubble twice the size as he/shes own. The power that person would feel would be immense, but the victim would feel drained, tired and just literally have no 'energy'.
I think that its always important when interacting with other humnas to have a balanced flow of energy. So when Im in the latter situation, I say, go get your bloody energy back. It was yours to start with and you cant function properlly without it so go get it back.
I guess like everything in life, its harder said then done. Many times in my life, ive happilly let other people take my energy and not got it back. But Recently Ive had a sudden realisation. Its because at these times I feel i havnt enuough Self-Worth.
Another quick flashback? (its all about flashback these days)
17 years old and I was falling for this guy big time. Crazy feelings I had for him. I was all about following my heart at this point in my life, so i let things happen. One week after we decided we should try something, we were both invited to a party. But it wasnt just any normal kind of party, this is one that started at midngiht, in an unknown place to the police which ended up being a feild in the middle of nowhere, and was known to last about 48 Hours. I didnt really think about any concequences, I just wanted to be with him. First thing i noticed was the crazy amount of drugs there... it was so strange for me to see, I was brought up by an indian man the indian way, drugs were so shamed upon, and i thought they were just evil. a few hours past, and He dissapears. 1 hours, 2 hours pass again and i start to get worried. I finally found him... but he couldnt put two words togther properly. then he started to walk but fell, and was saying he had lost control of his legs. I put two and two togther and knew what he had taken.
Why was i interested in a man that did this stuff and acted like that? these were my thoughts as i refused to party anymore and went back to the car to sleep. Woke up and the party was still on at 3pm the next afternoon. I just wanted to go home, but we had to hitch a lift with another bunch of drugged up people in the back of a lorry, which were not in a hurry to go anywhere. when we finally left after alot more drug taking by these guys we had to stop at sum 1's house before coming to my town. they stopped, they snorted more... and i just exploded with anger and shouted at everyone. it was only at that point when He saw my tears of fustration that He realised how i felt. He apologised, for days. non stop ringing.
When i met with him a few days after he was still pleading. I asked him to promise me never to take anything again if he wanted to be with me, cus i just wasnt like that. He promised. I got back with him, And that was my mistake. Because he did do it again, and more them once, and then he started fimding excuses for it being the right thing to do....
my self worth went crashing down, my mind twisted, and I thought that I must deserve a man like that, for me there was no other explanation. Lathargic was the word of that relationship, because its how i felt ALL the time. Of course I gave and gave and gave and his bubble was constantly mulitplied in size.... and i was left with nothing.
But now ive found a method. Close your eyes and imagine yourself from the outside circle, looking in at you, judging you as a seperate person. and then think of all the good things about that person your looking at, all the positive aspects of that person that is you inside the circle. THAT is what you are worth. THAT is how much you should be appreciated, should you choose to share your life with someone so intimately.
YOU dont deserve any less then that. You dont deserve anything but your own bubble of energy that was orignally yours, thats natuarlly yours as a right, a human right, to have since the day you were born. NO ONE has the right to take that away from you and note give anything back.
Out of all the things i listed that i appreciated in my last blog, the appreciation of myself has only just been realised (thanks to special people in my life ), and its importance outweighs them all.
you cannot love others untill youve learnt to love yourself
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