Living with my mother has very few positive aspects to it. However I had to do it once, for half a year. I could say that I got to know her alot more in these 6 months then i did for the rest of my life....and although we managed to salvage some kind of motherly - daughter relationship in this time period, that was missing for so long, it was still too late in my child hood, at 16, for me to appreciate its maximum worth.
Actually i was scared alot. Alcohol was her best friend and i still didnt quite realise why people thought alcohol helped them forget things, so i thought i had the power to save the world, ya know, stop a 45 year old woman who was a heavy drinker to stop drinking.
its quite funny actually, when i look back at it, the things i did to try and help (key word here). Pouring bottles of wine down the drain when she wasnt looking, getting her to force glasses of water down her, refusing to go to shop, hiding her credit card. then there were the more serious things like, no mum i will not take my little sister to school tommorow morning instead of going to college, just because you want to drink tonight.
One night, i came back from my part time job. my older sister was in the lounge chilling with her boyfriend. my little sister fast asleep. No sign of mum
No one knows anything, untill i open her bedroom door. empty bottles wine on the floor. an open packet of some pills i didnt know (which she later claimed they just fell off the table and she didn't take any, hmm). and her unconscious on the floor, tangled underneath her desk. I was shocked at first. I genuinely thought she was improving because of all the things i was doing. i tried to wake her but no response. i rang the guy i was seeing at the time and asked his advice. i called the nhs helpline, and thats when i heard movement. thank fuck, she was alrite. she got up...... and started shouting. 'get off the phone, i dont want to get in trouble with the childrens services! I dont want to loose elina'. this was follwed by may hurtful comments about myself and my life. after many tears, i left the house - however, with the light a thte end of the tunnel and the silver lining around the cloud, upsetness was quickly replaced by huge realisation - this woman will never change, and my father has been trying to tell me that for the last 16 years, its funny i realise only then the true meaning of what he was saying.
from this, alot can be realised. it really is true what they say. some people CANNOT change. and some people just wont be helped, no matter how much effort you put in to do so, no matter if they related to you, no matter how much you love this person, some people have got to help themselves, and some need alot of time to do this. Its alot more productive to give them the time to do this then to keep trying to help, cus you only end up feeling trampled on.... and completely and utterlly emotionally drained.
Im sure whoevers reading this, thats the last thing in the world that you deserve :)
Oh and quick note - Im not telling these things for pity. or attention or anything like that. yes they are situations which most people may feel uncomfortable talking about nevermind posting them on a blog. But i dont see the point in that. Ive had them and Ive learned from them, and I wirte here only to share what I ive learned to benefit others. and im not trying to be god, or some preacher or something. just trying to contribute to the world, while trying to sort my own life. After all, woman and multi -tasking go hand in hand, they say ;)
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